Oh man, stress overload right now. My brain feels so fried... I feel like I'm functioning at like a 40% rate right now. It sucks!!! I feel all overwhelmed and out of control. I swear, this is one of the worst feelings in the world. I would much rather be broken down, bauling my eyes out than feeling like this. I think my nervous system has a knot in it or something, haha. My head hurts, too, particularly around my ears, which is weird because I've been getting acupuncture weekly and its supposed to help prevent that stuff. I think I've just been so stressed/overwhelmed that I'm forgetting to stop and breathe, and its starting to take a toll. Ah, thats better. Even as I'm typing now, I can feel it lifting off me, slowly. The frown that was on my forehead dissipated a bit and I'm feeling a little bit more at ease. Thats better. Blah, okay, I have so much stuff that I have to do. I guess I'm just going to get back to work. I guess I'm stressing out over all this stuff, but too restless to chill out and do nothing. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DJFKL:SDJ:KLFDS. OKay, I'm good =]

since I last journaled. I kinow its only been a week, bu tis eems like forever.

BLAH, I'm super crabby right now. I've been stressed as hell this past week. My acupuncture went amazingly the saturday before last, and I felt miraculously better, then a few days ago, I fell back into a slump. I've been super grumpy and irritable, and I hate feeling like that! My tension headaches came back, and I lost all my energy.

So yeah, I was working for Verizon but I just quit yesterday. It was basically a door-to-door sales job, and they were expecting me to work 60 hours a week, so I said screw that. I hated just walking around with other people doing that job; I felt like scum, walking up to people's houses and bothering them. Part of me felt like I didn't have the right to do that. Anyway, its over with, now. I had my doubts about it in the beginning, but I wanted to give it a chance.

I've been hanging out with Aleka a lot. Our first date was amazing. I went over to her apartment and we just hung out there for a long time. I was really nervous on the way over there; I was rocking out in the car as hard as I could to try and get it outta me. I got there, she showed me a bunch of her art, we started talking. She was really nervous, way more than i was. She was a lot more shy than I expected, but was still pretty cute. We ended up coming just short of having sex, which was a lot faster than I intended to move, but it felt really natural. We went to Skyline and got dinner later. I started to feel really tired all the sudden, so we went back to her place and watched Be Kind, Rewind. Despite me wanting to wait, we ended up doing it anyway, but it was amazing.

Aleka and I have been hanging out a lot, maybe a bit too much. I've been missing Kam and spending time on my own. I've hardly been at home for the past five days or so, and its wearing on me. I haven't really slept well at all until last night for the past week. I've been having some fucked up dreams almost every night too. One night, I had a dream that I was running from people shooting at me, and Jake got hurt really badly. I had two more bad dreams, both in her apartment. I wonder what's up with that.

Its not all bad. Kam and I are gonna go swimming tonight, which I'm excited about. Elissa said that I need to be more physical in terms of battling my anxiety, so that should help. I'm thinking about trying to get a gym membership or something. Lifting weights would be a great way for me to feel good and get back in shape.

I'm thinking about what to do for work, but I'm still not sure yet. The moving job with David might be okay, and Dad said that I could do it as frequently or infrequently as I wanted to. I haven't really felt good enough to be working again, but I can't just sit around and do nothing all day. Thats not fair to Dad, and will probably just end up hurting me more.

Anyway, I'm gonn ago read my new books. I'm feeling drained already, lol. Adios!


Oh yeah, I wrote a new song yesterday, "Banana Peels". Its pretty punk rock, and talks a lot about how I've been feeling as of late, and how I tend to do things that are only hurting me in the long run. Check it out on myspace at www.myspace.com/thecordonbleu.

"Hey, how tall are you?"

they respond with their height...

"Oh yeah, cause thats how far your head is up your ass!!"

Sheesh, I'm exhausted. Its funny how I tend to be the most tired on days that I'm the laziest... oh, the irony. I also just came out of meditation, so a little sluggishness is to be expected.

Well, my days with Monica have come to an end. I've virtually given up on her. Trying to pursue anything is basically a waste of time; all she does is hang out with her ex boyfriends and smoke weed now. Thats not the type of girl i want. Additionally, shes dishonest and never follows through with what she says shes going to do. Its annoying, and irritating, and I've had enough!

Woo, enough ranting about girls. I've made aquaintances with a new girl, Aleks. We've been talking a lot on instant messenger, which I've enjoyed a lot. I love making her laugh. She says shes going to wrastle me to the ground when I finally meet her, but we'll see. I have a feeling that things between us are going to be intimate. Shes independent, works, has her own place, and has a good attitude, not to mention being really pretty. I'm looking forward to finally meeting her.

I went to see my acupuncturist yesterday and had a really great session. Leah put needles in my adrenal glands (not directly, but in the spot that works for them) and I felt a huge difference. I've been much more calm since then, and have been happier and productive too. I can actually feel them, now, and they're starting to want to open up again. It sucks, but at least I know what has been causing me so many problems and how to combat it.

The only thing has been bothering me otherwise has been the weird feeling around my ears and the headahces, but that ain't no thang. I've learned to cope with it and I can last longer if I need to. Oh yeah, theres this weird, pulsating pain in my left hamstring, on the outside edge of my leg. Nothing to worry about, I'm sure, but its bothersome.

I'm sleepy, as usual. I think I overslept or something, because I woke up at 6 and felt great, got some milka nd yogurt, then when I woke up for real at 1, I was all tired and still am.

Oh yeah, I have ean interview with Verizon tomorrow at 10:30. Its a little early for me, but I'm sure I can deal with it. Its out in tigard at their office. I hope I won't have to commute out there every day, but I suppose I will if I have to. Dad might get me a moped to do it, so that would make things much more pleasurable. He did, after all, agree to getting me one should I aquire a job.

I've been thinking a lot about what my next step is going to be. I"d really like to move out and get a place with Kam. That is my first goal, just to get out on my own and experience living by myself for once. After that, I'm thinking pretty seriously about pilot training, for either airlife or one of the news stations. Its a little bit worrysome for me, because I'm not sure how easy it is to get a job as a pilot, but if nothing else works, I'll join the coast guard. Errr, fuck that, I don't wanna work in the military. It sounds like hell, to me, and I've alraedy been there before and haven't liked it.

I heard a really good quote from this movie, Little Miss Sunshine, today. The main character was talking about the Proust person, who I'm not sure is, and how he said the best years of his lfie were the ones when he was suffering, because they were the ones that made him the man that he was then. I bet theres going ot be some truth to that in my life. Whenever I overcome whatever ailment this is that has its grip on me, I'm sure I'm going to be a lot stronger, wiser, and better because of it.

I'm starving. I have lost some weight since I got home, and I really want to put it back on. I miss having my big, thick belly and feeling more confident (i'm self conscious about being skinny). I'm sure if I keep eating, or start eating like I used to, I'll gain some weight eventually, but its hard. I need to eat full meals insteada of snacking and get on a more regular basis.

Anyway, Dad's out with grandpa at the hospital getting his checkup. He broke his shoulder last week and hasn'ty been doing well. I feel awful for him. Hes all alone and is pretty banged up. If I were him, I would probably be really depressed. Oh yeah, I got codename: eagle installed last night, and am SUPER stoked! Its just how I remembered it, almost better. I love that game so much, and I'm stoked to be able to play it again. I'm sure jake is too, and we're gonna get down on some sweet lannage soon, I hope.

Haven't journaled for a few days.. I guess I found myself getting bored of it. I've been out of sorts for the past few days. Yesterday was pretty good; I wrote my dad a song for father's day, which he really liked. I've been writing a lot of new songs.. I wrote a new one called "Bali" today. I just did a cover of "Don't Worry, Be Happy" in a punkish version a minute ago, and was pretty pleased as to how it came out.

Fuck, I find myself wanting to complain all day and its really getting to me, lol. I hate being a downer. Ugh. I've been hella lonely, and I think I just need a girlfriend or something. Either that, or just a really good friend. My dad and I haven't really been getting a lot, and I've been feeling osme hardcore cabin fever. My dad and I are getting along okay, but he seems to come home from work grumpy quite a bit, and it rubs off on me somewhat, unfortunately.

My stepmom uttered some shit at dinner tonight which really pissed me off. She asid, "we just paid a lot for you to go to LeapYear." I was angry because SHE didn't pay a fucking dime, that I'm aware of. It was 100% my dad, and I'm even more angry because she doesn't have to contribute to anything. She works for my dad, yeah, but she doesn't have a car (so doesn't have to pay for gas), she doesn't have to pay for groceries, insurance, rent, NOTHING! I am fuming with hatred towards her.

Ah, felt somewhat better to get that out. I had some bomb rasberry cheesecake icecream from Cold Stone tonight. Kam and I went down there, grubbed out, then went to Powell's to look at books. We had fun. I think I really do need to get out more, because my house seems to have a really negative effect on my mood. I guess I'm just sick of being here all the time. At least I get to work tomorrow... hah, GET to work. Maybe I should think about moving out more seriously...

Anyway, I'm already burnt out on writing. I haven't had much spirit lately, sadly. I think, deep down, I erally miss Bali, I'm really fucking lonely and emotionally blocked. I'm living at home, somewhre where I don't feel open enough to express myself, and constantly feel empty inside. Fuck, I wish I had someone to just cuddle with right now. lol.

So, I was watching the movie High Fidelity and this quote really resonated with me...

"Rob: I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments."

Total ah-ha moment.. I'm completely afraid of committment.

Last night was badaas! It was jakes 21st birthday so we went out bar hopping downtown. We started out at Kell's Irish Pub; my dad dropped me off out front so I didn't have to worry about driving. The place was PACKED for at tuesday night. It was awesome being able to see Jeff, who I hadn't seen since before I left for India. I was a bit dissapointed with the pub, though. It was cool on the inside, and they had an irish folk singer there (which was awesome!) but it took forever to get drinks and it was definitely lacking in the girl department. Also, it was mostly tables so there wasn't really room to walk around or stand or anything. I guess I like the crappier, more packed, standingupandgettingbumpedintoeveryfivesecondsbutreallylikingitbecauseitfeelsmorecomfortablesomehow.

We went to this place called Tube, afterwords, which is a fucking weird name for a bar. It was super small on the inside, but I liked it. The only thing I didn't care much for was the fact that the bar was super short and hard to get up and order a drink. There were TONS of people in there. Lots of skanky girls getting down on the dance floor, one guy dancing like a flamer but still managing to pick up girls. I got in line to go to the bathroom but it was super long and they only had two toilets, hah. It would have taken twenty minutes just to get in there.

We left before too long and went to this placed called Dixie's next door. It was kind of an all-american theme bar. They had a lot of nascar hats on the ceiling, a big american flag on the wall, shitty beers like coors and pabst, but the bartender was pretty cute. The place was almost completely empty though, when we got in there. I liked it, for teh most part. It had a really tall ceiling, which I was into, and wood floors which warmed the place up. Jake ended up puking on the floor, which was no surprise for me, as he was mixing fruity cocktails with jager bombs and shit beer.. a sure recipe for disaster.

We finished up our night at Dante's, which was a pretty rad place. They had a stage set up - some guy was just taking out the drum set when we finally got there. It was probably around 2:00 or so at that time. I could tell it was somewhat of a punker bar, just by the way it looked inside. Really dark, almost like a cave. The bar was was white plexi that was illuminated from beneath it, which was pretty cool. They had a good IPA for fairly cheap too, and I got a tasty pint of it. It wasn't until here that I finally got drunk. I had been trying, drinking a beer or two at every place, but I was still mostly coherent; that last IPA set me over, though, thankfully.

One of Jeff's old co workers offered to give me a ride home - nice guy. We had been having fun most of the night, cracking jokes and talking about shit. It was cool becuase I hardly knew the guy and we were acting like we'd been friends forever. While we were searching for the car, we sat down for a while and I smoked a ciggarette - the first in a number of weeks. I did it consciously though, and asked to sit down so I could really enjoy it. We chilled, smoked and talked for a while, about how lucky we felt just to have all the stuff we have, and how it frustrated us to see people get caught up in trivial issues when other people out there have nothing. It was a good talk.

Afterwords, we made our way back to the car and he dropped me off. I hope he made it home alright. I feel bad that I can't remember his name.

Anyway, pops wants me to get the table set and what not so I'm signin off. Overall, I feel kinda gross, tired and lazy today, but I guess I shouldn't complain - last night was badass. I hope to have many more like it.

I can do controlled burps whenever I want, haha. One time, when I was a little kid, I was waiting at the bus stop with my sister and two of my neighbors. I was showing them how I could burp, was having fun with it, and one of the girls got so grossed out she puked in a bush. Man, great stuff.

I know I'm "home" now, but my heart is still in Bali. God, I miss it there. I feel like, after coming back here, I kind of forgot that I'm loved. Like, over there, I had a family, and I come back home, and I haven't felt more alone. Its depressing. I miss my teaching, my students, and my friends. I miss going to Twice Bar on weekends, getting drunk and coaxing all the shy, Balinese guys into moshing. I miss surfing. I miss riding my motorbike around and getting waved at by random villagers. I miss all the attention I got from girls. I miss the jungle, the sound, the tropical rain. I miss Bapak and Komang, white rice and speaking Indo. I fucking hate America!!! AHhhh!! I wanna leave!!! I miss my home, I miss the island.

I need to get out of here. I can't take living here anymore. Every day is the fucking same. I just wanna go back. Over there, its like being hugged by a whole island at once. FJSDLKFJSD:LKFJSDLKFJSDLK:FSDJLKF:DSJ. I think I'm just lonely, really.. Man, this is rough.

Someone love me?

Man, very interesting day.

I woke up, took a bath, and while I was doing it, was reading this thing called 81 neurobiotic exercises to keep you brain alive! Interesting stuff... One of the exercises involved taking a shower with closed eyes, so I thought to myself, "hell, why couldn't I just do everything with closed eyes?" So I started an experiment. For around two hours, I didn't use my vision once. I did everything I would normally do (apart from reading and using the computer, hah) but I played guitar and practiced vocals for a while. It was amazing how much more in tune my other senses became. I noticed really light smells in my room unusually strongly, minor pitch differences in my voice when I was singing, and the sensations in my body were 100 times stronger than they usually are. It was really grounding, and afterwords, I felt much more "myself" than I usually do.

So, about the title: This calling. Its actually the name of an All That Remains song, but it seemed suiting for whats on my mind right now. I guess, what I'm trying to figure out, is whats calling me - everything, and then figure out where to go from there. So yeah...

Nepal - Volunteering in the trekking medical clinic or staying in an ashram in the Himalayas (why not both? hrm.. lightbulb!)
Thailand - Studying at a Buddhist ashram
Bali - Moving there and starting my own recording studio, perhaps with Kam, perhaps not
Moving to Bend and working as a Mtn Biking coach
Getting my own place
Monica - I miss her
Psych School - I'm interested in becoming a therapist
Writing School - I'm interested in becoming a writer
Music School - I'm interested in becoming a musician
Volunteering - I feel the need to put myself out there again for a good cause

Well damn, it feels good to get some of those dreams down on paper. I guess the only thing I have to do from here is set an intention, commit to it, and be disciplined enough to follow through with it.

Well, I'm pretty sleepy for now. I think I'm gonna crawl in bed and read a book or watch some TV. Nighty night.

Great question! Where, there is this movie I just saw in Bali, American Soldiers. Its basically a knocl off of Black Hawk Down. Hands down, WORST movie I've EVER seen. There was absolutely no exposition, worse acting than a porno movie, horrible cinematography, bad sound, the works. If Black Hawk Down took a shit, it would probably come out something like this movie. Man, I get worked up just thinking about it, haha. I want to file a complaint and get my money back for it, lol!

Ah, well, I just woke up. Long nights of drinking usually involve arising around mid-day, cursing the alarm clock for half the day is already gone, and dragging one's self to the kitchen for an afternoon bowl of cereal. Perhaps I shouldn't beat myself up too much for sleeping in so late. After all, time only exists to tell us the roation of the sun, and its not like I need to be out, plowing crops or anything. I'm more of a night-owl anyway.

So, girls are hillarious. They're so interesting! I love talking to them because the shit they say cracks me up. I'm trying to think of a specific example from last night. Maybe it was Ashlee talking about scarfing down taco bell, or blowing $250 on their victoria's secret credit card when they have no money.

I need to go on an artist's date today. I have no idea what I'll do though. Maybe I'll just listen to Beethoven and paint a self portrait. That sounds nice, haha. Damn, I think I'm running low on white though. Hrm... I'll manage.

Well, I suppose I should get my day going. It is 1;00 already and I'm still in bed. Hell, fuck that. I'm gonna go whip up a beautiful late-breakfast, with waffles, strawberries, whipped cream and OJ, then jump back in bed and eat it! Whoah, I just got a massive craving for sushi all the sudden. Damn, I'd eat sushi every day if I could. I suppose I'll have to settle for strawberry waffles in the mean time. Oh, what a poor, unfortunate life I have!

Well shit, its like 2am. I got back from Edgefield like twenty minutes ago. I started off the night going out with Kam. We were gonna hit up star sushi but the ended up being closed at 9, which was lame, because you'd think, on saturday night, they'd be open till at least ten. It was no biggie, though, we hit up KFC instead, which was cool because most other fast food places are nasty. After that, we went back to my a house, i pounded a brew and we went n' played jump 21 down the hill. I schooled him twice, then we headed back to my place.

I called up Ashlee and she invited me out to Edgefield, so I went. I was a little sketched because I'd already been drinking, was going to a bar, and there were cops EVERYWHERE. I saw at least three with their lights on, at at at least three more just cruising, over the course of a 20 minute drive. I wasn't worried, though. I was pretty low-profile in my white Prius, and wasn't drunk or anything. Anyway, went to edgefield, asked for IPA but she girl at the bar gave me a pretty good wheat beer instead. The girls and I walked out onto the golf course, sprawled out on one of the tee's and drank. They were blazing a little bit but I wasn't really in the mood for it.

Anyway, the night was all together not bad. It was cool hanging out with Ashlee, who I hadn't seen for so long, making it out to somewhere that was out of the norm for me, and checking out a new bar. I just had a phone convo with Monica too. I was giving her atittude cause we were gonna hang out tonight but she never called me, and she wasn't taking it. Its all good though, shes gonna make it up to me tomorrow. Time to pass out for now - I wanna get up so I can actually eat breakfast before noon.

Right. Well, I woke up this morning, stumbled around my bedroom for something that didn't smell like it came out of a roadie's foot locker, got in the car and blasted over to Gresham. I rolled up, and it was a pink house with a blue passat out front, just like she said. Still half asleep, I called the woman to let her know that I had arrived, and also to make sure I wasn't walking up to some random family's house at nine in the morning, that happened to look identical to the one she described.

I walked in and wasn't surprised that it looked like a shit-hole, but a rather nice shit-hole. She had me start boxing up books, which wasn't one of the worst things I could have imagined doing. I started popping up boxes and throwing books in. I saw lots of random stuff, everything from DIY gardening stuff, picture books of WWII tanks, and countless novels about Ronald Regan. Not the most exciting reading material, I might say, but I wouldn't expect the bookshelf of a deceased 90 year old woman to behold past issues of High Life Magazine and "How to Shred Like Satriani" DVDs.

I spent four hours over there, packing boxes. I made $40 bucks, which seemed pretty measly to me for getting dragged out of bed, having to drive across town and then walk into some deceased old lady's humble (and I emphasize humble) abode, then spend four hours moving her belongings into cardboard boxes, trying not to gag from the smell of cat piss. Maybe I should count my blessings. I mean, at least I have beer money now.

Anyway, its 6:50 and my parents are going to the ballet. My dad is so whipped. Theres no way in hell he'd go to the ballet if it wasn't for my 27 year old step-mom dragging him into it. Hes more of the basketball game type, with cold beer and nachos. Mmm, cold beer and nachos... Please excuse me while I proceed to walk zombie-like toward the refridgerator.

Cheese: Bread, Crackers, Tortilla Chips, Most mexican food

Not: Animals, Small children, myself (unless to be delicately eaten off by beautiful ladies), the pope

Well, today was an interesting day, and quite an eventful one at that. I woke up around one and went downtown to meet w/ our counselor an hour later. She was super nice, and the session went really well. It was sweet to have an open enviornement where I felt like we were proactively working out our issues, whereas before, it had been difficult to confront him on some of the stuff that was bothering me. I realized, part way through, that I was taking all this openness to my advantage, though. I was getting a lot of stuff off my chest, and that was great and all, but luckily, I caught myself before I started "cutting deep" so to speak. My dad is not a bad person by any means; he loves me, and never meant to do any harm. I felt awful because a part of me wanted to lash out at him, despite how much I love my father. I feel so grateful just have been able to realize that, because what I truly want is just to return everything to harmony, and should I have just lashed out in anger, sure, I might have felt better in the moment, but in the end, much, much worse.

Things just got better after that. Dad asked me if I wanted to do anything while we were downtown, so I mentioned checking out a scooter store that was a few minutes away. The guy who helped us there was really nice. He was originally from Germany, and was very honest and helpful. It definitely worked in my favor because it helped Dad to get a little more interested, which made me happy, because I really want to have something fun to zip around on when its nice out. We found one, a 150, that was really nice and I took it for a test drive. It had a lot of power for a scooter, and I had a blast passing cars and zooming around SE Portland.

On our way back home, Dad called Rose and said he was going to stop for a beer; I guessed that meant both of us, which made me happy because it meant something fun for us to do together. We walked into this place, the name of which I forget, thats right by the old Loveland, and put our jackets down at a table in the back. He went to take a leak, and told me to get a pitcher. The place was packed with people who were all at least six or seven years older than I am, loud music playing (the yeah yeah yeah's, which was cool) so I felt a little bit nervous heading up to the bar. Some guy came out and asked what I wanted; I had no idea what to order so I just said "how about a pitcher of bud?" He said, "well, if you want shitty beer we have miller high life." When I heard that, I was a bit embarassed, haha. He handed me a menu and I browsed it over, and luckily, my dad came to my rescue so I didn't look like such an idiot. We ordered a nice IPA, walked towards the back, and started up a game of pool.

It was almost perfect. Here I am, having only been 21 for a week, playing pool with my Dad, getting drunk off good beer in the middle of the afternoon. My Dad and I would bullshit with each other as we were playing, acting like cocky bastards.. it was great fun. A mixed-race couple, a black man and asian woman, were watching us playing, getting a kick out of the whole father-son rivalry thing that was going on. I ended up taking him on two games, he took me on one; I won three bucks. We finished the pitcher of beer and headed to go home. I was pretty drunk, and hadn't eaten lunch so everything had hit me pretty fast. As we walked out of the bar, I looked over and said to my dad, "its been far too long since I've been drunk and still been able to see the light of day." He laughed, and we hopped in the car.

Later, we went over to dinner at Nathan's new place, which was fun. He made a pretty good dinner and we had fun bullshitting. We watched about half an hour of 300, cracking jokes at the overly dramatized fighting scenes and skimpy outfits, and left pleased.

I'm at home right now, watching Romeo and Juliet while happily writing this journal entry. This is a great way to end the day. Well, it was, until Romeo just drank the poison and Juliet woke up to see him do it. I guess thats the nature of trageties. I prefer happy endings, haha.

I just finished talking to Monica. I'm still a bit frustrated from her emotional unavailablity when talking to me, but I'm learning to deal with it. Either its gonna work or its not, but either way, I am going to feel pretty good about what hpapened. I like her a lot, but I'm not at the stage where I'm really emotionally invested to where I could get hurt. I more at a prospective stage, where I think that there might be something there, and I'm testing the water, but won't feel too bad if its too cold to jump in.

In any events, I'm not going to let it bother me. I got good and drunk, made some good progress w/ Dad and my relationships today, and feel good about who I was today.

Beautiful stuff.

Hahaha, I should send this to my friend James Lemuix. He bought $120 worth of Balsa wood that is still sitting in his closet months later.

For me, though, I felt guiltiest for buying my $180 Diesels. Despite the fact that I had a 40% discount and they were effing nice jeans, after traveling through India, I realized how much money that is to some people around the world. I'm sure if I told anyone in the poorer sectors of India how much I paid for them they would tell me I'm crazy, haha. Now that I think about it, I feel even worse, lol. When it comes down to it, they're just pants... something to put on my legs so I can keep warm. Maybe I should just start making my own clothing...

Lightbulb!

Ah, what a fine way to wake up. Someone that I've never met before happened to read my journal and left quite a thoughtful remark as to some of the stuff I've been going through with Monica. I had been doing this journal just for myself, and kind of forgot that other people could read it, so it was a really nice surprise to see that someone had read and either liked or could identify with what I was saying.

So, I had an intense dream last night. It was really cool, actually. It was the final at LeapNow, and one of the thing I had to do was take a crocodile out of the crocodile pit, chain it up elsewhere, and then put another one in it so it could be fed. It wasn't much of a pit, actually, it looked more like a deep pond or resevoir and there was a sectioned off area where he stayed. Anyway, I suited up and went over there. Strangely, someone who was staffed there had already done the work for me by accident, so all I had to do was feed it. To my confusion, she gave me a tin full of raspberries and blackberries, oranges and apples to give to him. I knew it seemed strange, but I trusted her and threw them in anyway. I woke up just as he started chomping on some oranges.

Now that I'm awake, the thought of working with crocodiles seems like fun to me, haha. I joked with myself about being the next Steve Irwin, haha. I think its because they're somewhat dangerous animals, and its exciting to be able to get in close to them. I've always been somewhat of an adrenaline junkie, and maybe this would be one more way for me to get my fix!

When I was on the airport coming back from Singapore, I was dreaming about starting to play Magic the Gathering again, hahaha. Man, I'm such a nerd. I was thinking about what decks I would play and basically getting lost in it, within my mind. I really miss playing. Those days of my youth were really fun, playing Magic, Warhammer and D&D. I'm sure theres a way I could get back into it.

I really miss my friends from LeapNow. I miss Peter and Rose, Kyle, Eric, everyone... I hope Chevy decides to come and stay with us. That would be so awesome! That way, I'd be able to keep learning how to cook and be able to hang out with her. Even if she decides to get her own place, as opposed to staying with us, I would still be able to hang out with her, but it would be awesome to have her just down the hallway.. haha. It would be like having my own little piece of Maacama right here at home!

Anyway, Kam is calling me and I've gotta get my day going. Today is gonna be a good day... I can feel it.

Let it be.

Thinking about Ryan and Kyle, my two friends from college, act like apes while cleaning the kitchen.